The Valentine My Inner Child Has Been Waiting For

Why I no longer wait to be chosen—and choose myself instead

Happy February, Friends!

I remember, in grade school, we gave Valentine’s cards to every one of our classmates. My classes were small in my country elementary days. I’d faithfully sign each card and address the envelope to each boy and girl. We handed them out when the teacher signaled us. That was a special time. I wish I could find that style of old-fashioned card again. Seeing them would bring back joyful memories.

As I moved from childhood into junior high, high school, and college, persistent social messages ingrained in me the idea that my happiness should be tied to the men in my life. My parent’s generation and their cultural programming taught their daughters that society placed value on me as a woman based on my relationship with men. Therefore, I was expected to marry young. I bought into that and married right out of college.

The problem was that I never felt safe in my own home, specifically because of my father’s rage. I thought, as a young girl, that when I married, my knight in shining armor would save me from the dysfunctional anger in my birth family. However, trouble started early in the marriage and increased over time. I struggled during those years in finding my worth, my value. I received treatment that made me feel far less than an equal partner.

When the marriage ended, I put effort over the years into finding a new partner, thinking I had to have one. I spent years dating in search of the ideal romantic partner. While I had friends who did find love with amazing men and women later in life, I realized how much happier I personally was on my own.

As I stayed single, not willing to give up my independence for the men I met, my pride and self-worth rose with each year. Living solo as a 70+ year old woman, I continue to figure out how to repair things around my house, plan trips, and make major financial decisions on my own.

And because of this, my independence is soaring. Social media helps as well. Many older women over 50 like me are now sharing how carefree they feel living solo.

I now thrive living independently, choosing to do what I want, when I want.

As a survivor who is healing from traumas, I am learning to trust my decisions. I am my own best friend. The support of my daughter, Rachel, the Dynamic Neural Retraining Program, and ACA’s “Learning To Reparent Yourself” handbook are my supportive pillars to healing.

I focus daily on speaking kindly to myself. I avoid self-shaming, blaming, and belittling, which I experienced early in my life. This is constant management, but worth it in changing my behavior toward myself and learning to love who I am.

These days, I have become my own special Valentine. As a treat, I’m making these raspberry whipped clouds (recipe listed below) just for myself. Why? Because I deserve it! I can’t wait to taste the creamy richness as I celebrate my wisdom, gratitude for endless blessings, independence, and joie de vivre.

How are you feeling this Valentine’s Day with all the candy, flowers, and cards for sale in the stores? Do you feel social pressure to “measure up” in your life? I would love to hear more from you. Please feel free to leave a comment below.

May you “Walk in Beauty” as our Navajo People say. May you walk in that beauty this Valentine’s Holiday and every day beyond.

Karen enjoying homemade dessert in Oaxaca, Mexico. Photo Credit: Rachel Sarah Thurston

Whipped Raspberry Clouds
(from Natural Grocers Magazine)

• 1 cup heavy whipping cream

• ½ teaspoon vanilla extract

• 2 cups frozen raspberries (or fresh)

• 1 tablespoon dark maple syrup (As a pre-diabetic, I’m using Stevia to taste.)

• 1 tablespoon cocoa powder

Instructions:

Whip the cream and vanilla to soft peaks (5 minutes) and set aside.

Blend the frozen raspberries and maple syrup in a food processor for 10-15 seconds to create a coarse-sand consistency.

Gently fold the blended raspbe5ries and cocoa powder

into the whipped cream.

Distribute the dessert among four small, clear glasses or dessert cups and refrigerate for an hour for the best texture. Refrigerate any leftovers for up to 3 days in an airtight container.

Photo Credit (Valentine’s Day Cards): Unsplash Susan Holt Simpson

Photo Credit (Karen enjoying rice pudding in Oaxaca, MX): Rachel Sarah Thurston